im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
