you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
