I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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