yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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