My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
