I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
