It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
