if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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