Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
