This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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