Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
