i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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