I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
