you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
