Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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