Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
