forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
mondays should just be called national damage control day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
