I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
