Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
