you guys were way drunker than both of me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
