Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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