It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
