wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
