at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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