Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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