smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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