What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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