i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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