Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
