Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
