So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
