you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
