i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
