New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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