dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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