i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
