so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
