Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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