Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
