Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
