sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
