The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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