i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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