We're like a lot better than the average bears
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
