i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
