@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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