so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
