..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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