who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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