I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
