Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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