Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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