Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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