The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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