This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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